Surrogacy is a multi-layered topic that can be approached from different points of view – public, social, religious, economic, medical, etc. The fact that this procedure has not yet been legalized and legitimized in Bulgaria and many other countries should not postpone the placement and consideration of the emotional and mental aspects of surrogacy, as the decision to have a child through surrogacy is a choice that necessarily affects many people. Due to the delicacy of the situation, this decision can affect everyone’s emotions.
Many things need to be considered – the feelings of the surrogate mother, her family, the unborn child, the new parents, and their families. All these questions can reflect on the psyche and emotions of everyone involved. Based on research, studies, and experience in countries where this is permitted and practiced, the most significant problems and questions that arise before, during, and after the process can be summarized as follows:
Loss of control
Loss of control during pregnancy is one of the biggest psychological problems. The surrogate mother and the mother-to-be may have different belief systems, convictions, and thought patterns that can create conflict. In many cases, the prospective parents have the power to make decisions on behalf of and for the surrogate mother’s life during the pregnancy, regardless of her wishes.
On the one hand, couples often want to control what their surrogate mothers eat, what they drink, and what they do in their daily lives to ensure the good development of their babies, even changing their habits and lifestyle. But surrogate mothers often react sharply and think that this is too much interference in their lives and bodies. Especially those of them who have had pregnancies before, and want to spend it as they felt good in the past.
On the other hand, the question of what kind of medical control will be carried out during the pregnancy is very important – for example, how often should ultrasound, examinations, amniocentesis be done, etc. And, especially when diseases appear, it arises the problem – who will decide what treatment to undertake, which options are most suitable, etc.
Affection
Emotional problems can also occur due to developing attachment to the fetus. Surrogate mothers can also develop a very strong attachment to the unborn child and feel devastated when they have to surrender the child after birth. In countries where surrogacy is permitted, the law treats it similarly to adoption in that the surrogate mother is recognized as the birth mother and can still change her decision to hand over the child to its genetic parents. If she decides to keep the baby, the parents, in addition to their dream, lose all the funds they have invested in caring for the surrogate mother.
Although there is not enough scientific evidence, psychologists and psychiatrists believe that there is a special bond between a pregnant mother and the baby in her womb. However, studies in Japan have shown that there is no significant relationship between the maternal-fetal bond and depression. Many surrogate mothers admit to feelings of pain and sorrow when handing over the baby, but also share a sense of happiness and fulfillment for the new parents. In this study, expectant mothers were more anxious than surrogates.
Depression
Surrogate mothers may face a lot of problems – sometimes they don’t get enough support from their husband/partner or their family and they can feel lonely during pregnancy. Due to the physical symptoms of pregnancy and the action of hormones, the feeling of isolation is felt even more painfully. In a UK study, psychologists found that genetic mothers received more support from significant others in their lives.
For surrogate mothers in a stable relationship, support from their husbands/partners is more negative than support from the genetic mother’s biological husband/partner. Some of them feel deep sorrow when they give the newborn. The reasons for this are a lack of mental support, dissatisfaction with the process, or a combination of these factors.
Even if the surrogacy goes as planned and the baby is adopted by its new parents, emotional problems can also arise. The adoptive mother did not give birth to the baby, but it is possible to experience a myriad of feelings that accompany motherhood. Common problems are post-adoption depression, with symptoms including feelings of depression, emotional exhaustion, anger, confusion, and embarrassment. Surrogate mothers can sometimes suffer from severe postpartum depression requiring medical care.
Disappointments
Many people have a romantic, rosy picture of the automatic happiness that occurs all around them when the baby is finally born. However, it happens that the reality is different – they may be disappointed with the health, appearance, and gender of the baby, it is necessary to deal with the documentation, the time it takes, and the legal framework of adoption.
The biggest disappointment can occur when the surrogate mother refuses to give the child. Preparing for this moment, both mentally and emotionally before proceeding with surrogacy is mandatory and in the world where these practices are allowed, surrogacy centers offer counseling and psychological help for this.
Choices and Decisions:
- of the surrogate mother
One of the most important and lasting decisions a surrogate must make is which couple to choose to help them start a family. Many factors determine this decision, but the main ones that need to be seriously considered are common interests, cultural similarities, gay couples, couples wanting more children, reason for infertility, country, character of future parents, and their expectations. It is also important to take into account the opinions and wishes of one’s partner and family.
- of the couple
Before deciding to use a surrogate, the couple needs to find answers to the following questions: have all other means of conception been exhausted, are they ready to stop the current treatment, how will they feel while someone else is carrying their child, are they both ready for how they will explain the pregnancy and birth to others and possibly to their future child.
Conclusion
It is painfully clear that surrogacy can develop in a wrong and undesirable direction for both parties, shattering the lives of adults and ruining the childhood of the newborn, when psychological tests and examinations are not carried out in advance and counseling during pregnancy is not provided.
Associations and health institutions around the world recommend that each participant in the process undergo psychological examinations with specialists – psychologists before starting the procedure, to confirm that they are psychologically capable of dealing with the problems related to surrogacy.
The topic of surrogacy is the subject of public debate, and political and state decisions and raises many questions. But while we wait for the answers, we need to think and realize what we can bear, how to live it with dignity preserve ourselves, and live happily with the choices we have made.
