Are we ready to be parents?

The questions of future parents contain not only practical concerns but also reflect the anxiety of the unknown. How do you prepare for what you cannot yet see or feel? How will you respond to a challenge you cannot yet identify?

Our ability to give to others is based on what we possess within ourselves. One of the best ways to become a parent is to look at it as a spiritual experience. Parents grow up going through many challenges, some familiar but also many unpredictable. The journey through parenthood can be a big part of personal spiritual development.

Seeking help along the way is an expected part of the journey, even if you don’t know exactly what that help will be. Your character as well as your whole personality will change during the periods that require great faith and dedication. Your marriage is where you develop a large part of yourself and express your essence. Parenting is another way that leads to maturation and character development.

What do we need to know?
Being still two is an advantage – use it to consider some key questions listed below. Then, you can now make a plan.

1. Goals and career

Yes, a woman’s 20s to 30s are prime for giving birth, but it’s also a time for major personal career development. Are you still in the process of learning, or do you plan to come back and continue after a while? How will education affect your finances, free time, and relationships? And what effect will the child have on it?

Anxieties related to these issues are causing more and more women to put parenthood on the back burner (spending their early years focused on work). Therefore, every year the number of women who give birth around and over the age of 40 increases. This is not necessary – in this day and age, having children and a career at the same time is not impossible. According to statistics, half of all women return to work a year after giving birth. For women with a university education, this is three-quarters.

For men, the concerns are different – some fathers fear that becoming a parent will mean the end of their youth.
This is related to the fear that to become a “responsible adult” he will not be able to see friends, go out, or have time for his favorite activities. Being a dad doesn’t mean you’ll never hang out with friends again. It just takes more effort and scheduling.

It’s good: The most important thing here is the understanding that a baby is not the end of your lifestyle as you know it, but can reveal your potential to organize and plan, to make you ambitious for creative and professional development.

Bad: Blaming the child for robbing you of your freedom and opportunity to grow.

2. Conceiving a healthy baby

You probably have no or very little idea of your ability to conceive until you start trying. There is a possibility that this could take months or even years. However, don’t start trying until you are honestly and ready to become a parent in 9 months – many people get pregnant on their first try.

Your baby’s health is a major reason to decide to change your diet even before you decide to get pregnant. Moreover, once pregnancy occurs, the health of the child is the common denominator of your and your partner’s healthy lifestyle. How to give your baby the best possible start in life?

It’s very simple. Start preparing for your family’s most important event at least 120 days before conception—whether you’re trying naturally or using assisted reproduction.

Why 120 days? The quality of your eggs and sperm today is a reflection of everything that has been going on in your body and environment over the previous 4 months. Your overall health picture during this time, including nutrition, stress levels, blood oxygen concentration, hormone levels, emotions and other factors affect the quality of your fertility this month.

It’s good to: Lead a healthy lifestyle with a balanced diet and physical activity. Visit your gynecologist regularly and have preventive examinations.

Bad: Maintaining harmful habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol, exposing yourself to harmful influences, and leading an unhealthy lifestyle.

3. The concerns of men

Such a major life change is exciting and frightening for both partners. While both men in the couple share many of their concerns — for example, that the child be born healthy — the men have their specific concerns.

Many of their concerns stem from not having a role model to teach them how to be the father they would like to be.

Here are two of the most common fears of fatherhood and how to overcome them.

• Helplessness

Some men have seen their wives’ births on videotape, struggling for hours, screaming and gnashing their teeth and feeling helpless to ease their pain.
Many fathers find it difficult to involve themselves in the birth process. After all, it is the woman who becomes pregnant and whose body changes.

It’s good: It is important for the father to feel as if he is a participant in the delivery room. Many professionals encourage all dads to get involved in parenting schools and help their partner develop a birth plan. Talk to the specialist who will lead the birth. He can offer guidance and how your partner can expand their role.

Bad: To be left aside without participating in the pregnancy process.

• Baby care

Taking care of a baby is often foreign to men, as most boys are not raised that way.

Society reproduces the stereotype that women are better at taking care of children. The media also reinforces the idea that men know little or nothing about parenting.

It’s good: It’s recommended that expectant fathers get a little exercise in baby care. Arrange to visit a friend or relative who has a baby and involve your partner in the whole process. You can get him a nice baby book that will give him a crash course in baby care and boost his confidence.

Pets are also good training. Your partner can practice taking care of them with you – feeding, walking or changing the box, visits to the vet.

Bad: Believing that caring for children is “women’s work” and has no place or benefit for men.

4. Connection

Being married is not easy, and parenting is far from a rosy tale. It is very easy to fall into the trap of “everything will be better with the baby” , and this is a very serious mistake. Your relationships are the foundation of your family. Children flourish in an environment where love and cooperation between partners is strong. Parenting readiness should include a shared understanding of how they will be raised and nurtured, as well as planning and distribution of responsibilities.

Take time to work on yourselves as a couple and only then think about a child.

Here are some questions to ponder:

1. What is your idea of parenting?
2. How did your parents raise you, what do you like and what would you like to change in your own family?
3. What do you feel you have to give as a parent?
4. What brings you joy and what will be easiest for you about being a parent?
5. What do you imagine will be difficult for you as a parent?
6. How do you envision parenthood changing your life and your relationship—now and in the future? Are you ready for the outcome of these changes?

The most important thing is to have this conversation with your heart. All the “formulas” and “recipes” from experts cannot tell you whether or not you are ready to have children. The answer to this question is sought with the heart.

It’s good: Experts advise couples to take time for themselves and focus on what they enjoyed and did together before. And even if it doesn’t sound romantic to schedule your sex life, you and your partner may not find the time if you don’t include it in the schedule.

Bad: All the attention is on the baby and your relationship is put on ‘pause’. Since the woman usually takes care of most of the baby, the man may feel left out and even jealous of him.

5. Housing and finances

Discuss and consider the conditions in your home. This tiny apartment may be comfortable for you now, but will it be suitable when the baby turns 2 and beyond? Are there childcare centers, schools, and hospitals nearby? Are you willing to spend more money to renovate and remodel or move to a less expensive area?

Money can be a source of great worry. Even if your family has good savings, there are still significant expenses related to the birth of the baby: diapers, food, babysitting, kindergarten, school, university… It’s

good: Make a budget and stick to it. Describe your income and what your expenses are. Identify mandatory expenses and those you can avoid. Time is on your side for big tuition-related expenses and you can start saving in a designated account.

Bad: Lack of advance planning and clarity about additional costs will increase the strain on finances.

6. How do we know when we are ready for children?

Hesitation is often one of the first emotional reactions parents face after finding out about their pregnancy. One of the worst things you can do is doubt your ability to raise a child. As long as your intentions are sound, dictated by love, and you learn from your failures, there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes every now and then.

Are you ready to be the best parents possible?

The answer is clear – NO! There are no parents who never make mistakes. There are no parents who feel that they are doing everything possible for their child all the time and 100%. Being the best parent possible is mostly about understanding that there are no perfect choices, especially when making difficult decisions.

Like any big and exciting endeavor, parenting requires planning and confidence in your ability to handle the unknown. One thing is certain – you will achieve a lot and get a lot. Are you ready?